Diary - Fear and Microdosing Continue to article
I want you to read David Goggins so I know you will hear me. Because fear is pain. And it’s moving through me. I feel like I’m 30 hours into an ultra endurance race and I just want to give up. Except my pain is emotional, internal. It still burns like lactic acid through my muscles. And every part of my gut feels twisted. Except it is my emotional circuitry that is on fire. And my mind is telling me to stop. So what do I do?
David Goggins is a king. But he’s not for everyone. The simplicity and the power of his story. Of his content. Of his message. You can own your mind. You can overcome it.
When you think you’re at your limit? You’re actually only about 40% there … with 60% more, available beyond, and you can access it beyond the fire! Why? How? What? David Goggins? He tells this story, that so many others have, Napoleon Hill and the rest, in a way that is just epic. He lives it, displays it, in some of the most challenging environments on Earth. And he shows up, in no uncertain terms, to tell us that we are far more capable than we think. The uncomfortable truth? He tells us that too. We’ve gotta get uncomfortable.
I guess it’s a choice. But I’ve lived there. In comfort. Succumbing to fear. Staying safe. Playing inside the lines. Risking small. The results, not surprisingly, were small too. I never used to write for public consumption. Even though I have a voice! I have a talent, I know it. I’m doing it now though. Wow, that actually feels good.
Recently I’ve switched my microdosing to night times. Why? Because I am in a business bootcamp where I have the opportunity to work harder than I think I can. Where I have to train my body and my mind and go further than my limits. To push against pain, find that barrier and see what’s there. I guess I thought a good amount of restful sleep would help.
In case you missed it, let me remind you of the science behind psilocybe cubensis, aka ‘magic mushrooms’ … Psilocybin (C12H17N2O4P) has a chemical structure similar to serotonin, which is a neurotransmitter in the brain that plays a key role in mood regulation, sleep, and various cognitive functions. Better sleep? Time will tell.
Oh, by the way, you may want to know what’s in my microdose.
Regular :150mg dried Magic Mushroom & 30mg Lions Mane
Light: 100mg dried Magic Mushroom & 50mg Lions Mane
If you’ve a wandered past the National Library of Medicine online and are curious to know, there is about 10% (10mg, 15mg) of straight-up psilocybin in dried magic mushrooms. That’s about half a standard dose. Far less than a therapeutic dose. Translation - a micro dose. No … that doesn’t mean take 2 or 3 capsules and party. Naughty.
OMG we haven’t even spoken about Lion’s Mane. Mushrooms are a beast, there is so much there. Science stuff again. “The lion’s mane mushroom is abundant in bioactive compounds including β-glucan polysaccharides; hericenones and erinacine terpenoids; isoindolinones; sterols; and micronutrients, which potentially have neuroprotective and neuroregenerative properties.”. I’m thinking wolverine power for brain muscles. But I’m not a scientist. Last point - lion’s mane is not hallucinogenic. Phew.
Let’s get back to Fear.
So the obvious next question is what does psilocybin do to the amygdala, right? Wrong. Honestly, what’s the point? If we go down that rabbit hole, all we are doing is mental masturbation. Excuse a somewhat crude expression there. I just get so tired of this part of my own mind that looooves to research. It’s like a quick fix. Feel fear? Quick, read something. And I’m scared to associate my microdosing course with a quick fix. Feeling fear? Quick, take a microdose. No, incorrect. I refuse. So no, I’m not going down that rabbit hole.
It’s like David Goggins might tell you, 30 hours into an ultra race (though I’m not sure he takes that long anymore). Life, and the mind, is a race you have to run yourself. And is the goal to drop out? Hell no! It’s to finish, man, to improve. You’re either getting better or you’re getting worse. Maybe you can overcome the mind. Maybe I can. Maybe I can learn to sit in the fire longer and longer. Maybe I can get better and not be so affected and distracted by fear. But I certainly choose not to find another distraction. No. Microdosing is a medicine - and I choose to keep it in that cabinet.
I know this is deep. I know this is heavy. It won’t always be that way. It will end. That - is guaranteed. Look, it’s okay. Really. It’s okay. I don’t know how. And I know there is a lot of messed up stuff out there. But somehow the game seems to be, feel it, don’t distract from it. Let’s agree to put a smile on and not be so heavy all the time, okay?
So, what are you gonna do next?